Tale about the stars

The fascination for the sky seems to be as old as human life itself.
It is truly wonderful to watch the colors of a sunrise, or to step out of the city lights to observe the twinkling and sparkling unthinkable depth surrounding us. And of course, knowledge of these things can be vital to survive. This shows in various ancient monuments having finally been understood as calendars marking these constellations of the sky.

People in the days of my witch also still had their believe in stars in the sky. In medieval or early modern time, it was believed for the planets in the sky to affect the fluids within the body and therefore playing with the affects. These affects could show in uncontrollable emotions, in being easily seduced. Affects were challenges to overcome and find guidance of an angel. And since women were believed to carry much more fluids than men, they were also believed to be easier affected by the stars in the sky and their affects.
Or … was this believed because women just are more emotional?

My witch giggles. „Just think of the mess you make once a month. I remember the first time I suddenly left a red stain on the blue-painted tiles in the hallway and how my Sunday dress would smear it all over the floor when I blushed and left“ And she took another sip of wine, because that is just what witches do. „Or just think of the hell of a mess you explode into when giving birth.“

While reading about this, I had to think of my mother and her horoscope.
Now, there are many different horoscope in different cultures which work on different concepts of time and symbols. When I think of my mother, I see a western European woman being convinced that she should cancel her dentist appointment because the full moon might have her bleed, or also that she had a bad day at work because of a constellation of Jupiter and Mars.
And I find it interesting that I can read the arguments for these kinds of believes in „Malleus Maleficarum“. Since the book was written by a well-educated monk studying the sources of his time, it originated much earlier than in the 14th century, and as much of the knowledge of those times might have its roots in ancient cultures, and has naturally been interpreted differently countless of times over the centuries.
I can understand that the thought is tempting to find such a personal meaning in the stars. It provides a guidance that seems to make life so much easier. Canceling a doctor‘s appointment because the moon could make you bleed out on the table is so much more convenient than just admitting that you are scared.
„But, the moon cannot make you bleed“, I sometimes tried to explain to my mother, and she would never listen, sometimes even tell me that I was too rational, and she wasn‘t even wrong. I actually am. And I tried to explain to her that the moon was involved in the tide because the sea had an incredible bigger mass than her body and this mass was needed for those forces to take hold of an object … Or, well, an ocean.

Realizing now how these conversations in the aftermath tell me that many people around the world still accept knowledge leading up to the belief in witches, leaves me devastated at times.

„You mean how it does not make any sense for women to have an ocean hidden inside and they rather were behaving irrational for never being taken seriously as anything more than a perfectly functional uterus?“, my witch adds and I have to agree. For example, that.

But then I have to think of myself finding my way out to the fields outside the city during sunset, and how I was sobbing and screaming my thoughts onto the sky.
Very soon, I had learned to love Cassiopeia and the Great Bear, because they were never truly gone and always pointed out north. In the longest and coldest winter nights, Orion would twinkle brightly, and after a while, I even learned to identify Mars, Jupiter and Saturn.
Although I knew that it would not truly bespell my life for the better, I whispered, cried and screamed things out to them. My eyes would search for the formations I had grown fond of, and I would ask the universe to give me back what I had lost. Sometimes, I was even happy enough to spot a shooting star. In one of those lonely summer nights, I even witnessed a bat flying parallel to one of those, and it was beautiful.

And to be honest, many of the things I had asked the stars for have come back to me in one or another version. Some have changed, have caught wounds and holes, and some do not fit this strange world anymore. But I have found them.

And I realize that I only ever asked the stars to give me back my strength.
My strength to talk to someone I was missing.
My strength to face a challenge standing between me and the future.

I was asking myself to have strength.