About those very historical feelings

When I first had the idea to write historical fiction, I felt almost blind.
It was like disoriented trembling into a new kind of world. I could not feel myself into it.
How were common life events perceived by someone living in the 14th century?
What did the death of someone mean in a world so much more focused on religion?
What did giving birth mean in the 17th century, when millions had died in wars and famines?
And over and over again my head got stuck when realizing just how much more important and official religion had been back then, and I felt insecure.
It was a curious kind of insecure, and for the past 18 months, I explored the past as much as I could, while also being stuck in a version of my future which I did not fully understand.
What did it even mean to miss someone when literally any other person was out of reach?
Where was my heart supposed to go when caring for people meant to not get close to them?
What did still matter? Anything? Anything at all?

I think this part of the work is done for now.
I think that there are some core human emotions that outlive any dark and strange circumstances ever. The fact that by now I work at a museum and explain the life of our ancestors in the stone age to groups of children also helped me in realizing this, but I think my conclusion to these questions will be that everything always matters. This does not depend on how dark the world gets, and how many complex problems suddenly need to be solved. Having a beating heart always matters, and will always find its way through Dystopia.
There is always the hope to see a certain someone again, and to get to do all the things that were interrupted by fate. There are daydreams to lighten the dark hopefully long enough to survive.
People from the past were not wiser, nor simpler.
They were us, just with different costumes. The world around us and the culture it puts us into should be seen as abstract concepts with which we let our hearts argue to survive, I think.

So, I began writing the first draft in thought of this. The first two chapters are drafted and the first half of the witching novel is outlined. With the way I work, finishing this will take very long, I know, I know …

I have answered this question for me. I can walk the earth as a person again, I think.
What does this mean for my blog? Is this not a Dystopia diary anymore?
Well, Dystopia is not over, is it?

My next goal will be to focus more on the historical aspect. I have so many things to explore in detail.
The 30-years-war in the region of Germany I plan to write in.
The 17th-century-crisis in general. The organization of life in the late medieval cities.
There is so much!
Also, I have not yet worked with the part of „Malleus Malleficarum“ that explained how to recognize witches under torture!
I am going to focus on this research from now on. It will certainly lead to the one or the other dark and bloody short story, but hopefully also to more content for those interested in the history behind all this.
I also want to improve the quality of the photography I do in thought of this. The symbols I use, as for example the flowers and rain drops and needles, all have their meaning within the witching myth, and I want to show even more of that.
Working on the quality of this kind of content is my goal for the next year! I want to really make it as a history blogger! Are you with me?

… But can I promise to not erupt into overly emotional poetry anymore?
No, I think not.
I won‘t even try, since my beating heart is connected to it.