Tales to tell my witch (because Daddy was mean).

Some things I can only ever tell my witch.

Such things as whispering „I should buy that red velvet dress, because my boss was such a bitch again“, when it‘s 4 in the morning and the after midnight pizza had already emptied by bank account. It‘s a great relief to have a witch by your side in such moments. Bosses can be scary, even more if they are mean. It‘s a weird relationship you have to your bosses, I think. „I kind of need her to approve of me“, I explain to my witch the joy of living in a world in which having a uterus does not just force me to pop out people, but also grants me the right to suffer for a kind of work my witch never knew. „Otherwise I‘m one step closer to starving, but also, she did not choose to work with me, so we can just take each other apart until someone cries. And, oh! Most recently that was me.“
Explaining these little things about my world to my witch offers the slightest chance to make them feel less awful. It‘s a bit like decorating them with roses and raindrops, and scenting them with witching garden flowers. It‘s an attempt to make them feel like one scene from a sitcom or a novel, in which the young and energetic and maybe even coming-off-a-bit-ditzy main character makes a personality shaping experience that is funny to observe, but fucking painful to go through yourself.
Whenever I had to face reality like this in the past 2 years, I had my witch with me.
In my head.
In my black dresses.
In my tights ripped apart.
Oh, and in choosing my boots to stomp through Dystopia in!

Also things such as „No, 2 bottles of wine is not too much on a Thursday evening, and I have to post another drunk poetry video because I‘m in love with someone I can‘t talk to right now and he may find it eventually“, while laying on the floor in front of the store with the short, black skirt revealing too much is something to share with a witch.

Why with a witch?
She would giggle. „Witches know an awful lot about laying exposed on the floor because Daddy was mean“, would be her response, and she has a point.
When I began to read and write about witches, I was drawn to them because of their connection to Dystopia and the darker part of history, and I had no idea where this research would lead me. At some point I realized more and more that my connection to those witches could be even deeper. Because witches are these beings that just try to live while they happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and feel a lot of things and see a lot of things that don‘t belong into this world, only to eventually be expelled. „By Daddy“, my witch wants me to add.
By Daddy. Or by whoever is granted to make this decision. For us. And For us in this world.

Having my witch with me means that I like to hide from problems in a short red velvet dress with tights ripped apart underneath while eating candy and drinking too much and complaining about any authority having been mean, because seriously: They all suck.

This is not just a pandemic realization, but the past two years changed my view on a few things.
At times I was heartbroken for having to function while so many things that I emotionally needed were not available. It was breaking my heart, I have been rambling on about that for quite a few posts. Then again, it scared me just how ignorant of the problem we are facing some people can be, the hardest part of this is lying ahead:
I will tell my boss that I find our project irresponsible to execute as planned in the middle of the Omicron-Wave not going too well here in Germany, and I will tell her that I am not doing it. I don‘t want to have face to face contact to several hundred people for the next to weeks. I cannot do that to the people I live with, my students I see in the evening, and I think it‘s selfish and ethical wrong to do so.
„Yes, tell Daddy that he is wrong and he‘s so not gonna burn you“, my witch giggled.
„It‘s a she.“
„Still a raging lunatic with an ego problem.“
Her words (and thus, definitely not mine).

The past two years forced me to be more in touch with myself, and made it more difficult for me to do things that appear wrong to me, and that makes life in this world so much more difficult!