Dystopia achievements

Living through a tale means this one has not been told yet.
There are so many possible endings. Endings to be yearned for, and also those to be feared to appear at the horizon one day. And there also are moments in which it is in doubt whether this tale is about to happen at all, or if it will just be one of those loose ends that happen and are going to be remembered when the raindrops against the window of a train look especially nice.

For a very long time, I have been mourning a tale I thought had never had the chance to happen. The deepest yearning of my heart had been bound to happenings concerning all the world, the pandemic. Never before had I experienced this. Never before had my heart been tied to the rest of the world like this.
And I am overwhelmed to say that first of all, this tale had a chance to happen and second of all, it ended well.

I am currently not living this tale anymore, because I have already experienced it.
I have been missing people, and some of them I never saw again. But those that I managed to, mean even more to me now.
Also, I had a chance for the friendship that I was hoping for when we were all locked up, and it went well. It is still going well.
And I found my witch.

Former me would probably hate myself for saying this. I can kind of feel her raging against this. But actually, I am glad for everything that happened. I am glad about every night in which I was alone with my emotions and had to deal with them, because never before had I ever tried that.
I had been busy. I had been hiding from feeling anything real.
I had been living between studying, a few jobs, dates and another sitcom episode to sooth me.
I never felt something real.
So, when everything stopped, I felt it all at once. I felt emotions, I had been supposed to feel ten years ago. I realized that 16 year old me never really found a home and that I still have some open issues with her. I also realized that I have a very little and giggling version of myself in the back of my head, who holds a terrible secret of mine, and I need her, because I was never granted to be little when I, or we, were growing up.

My witch helped me communicate with all of this. And it helped me to keep the hope up.
Because yes, raging and escalating me was hoping. When all is dark, hope is defiance.
And I enjoyed the state of mind this got me into.
I now miss my emotions, whenever I happen to be too busy to have all of them. I cannot ever think myself back into living without them. Being locked up with my own head was the best thing to ever happen to me.

I was hoping for a tale to happen.
A tale I, and also those other parts of me (or especially those?), needed to survive.
I will not give more details about it, because so many real people are involved.
But my hope was not in vane.
It happened.
So, when I was wine drunk on a field at night and desperately screamed at the horizon that this could not be it, or when I was whispering into my vanilla scented candle light that surviving after being denied this was not possible, I feel like my hope hiding in rage turned into a spell.
I was lucky.

This certainly changes my writing.
I am not the plot of this tale anymore. I am the happy ending that allows a deep breath. At least for now. I want to preserve this realization in my words, because you never know what will happen tomorrow!

And also, I want to use every bit of impulse this crazy time lived through has given me. I don‘t want anything to get lost! This means that I really need to focus on writing my witching novel, and keep doing so, even now that I tend being so busy again!

And I want to translate my witching spirit into even more things! I am not quite sure what kind of things, to be honest. I am not in constant emotional pain anymore, so it cannot forever be my darkest poems and wine drunk conversations with Layla … But then again, a big part of the magic I found are these spontaneous and deeply needed moments of intense introversion and the coping with what may be found inside. So, it probably won‘t disappear completely, but it also is not my focus anymore.

Maybe, that will be the next step for this blog. While fighting for the time and the mental capacity to really write my novel, I could also focus on keeping up the witching spirit in a world that got busy again. Would you mind recipes and indoor gardening tips from your witch?

I am not sure where this goes from now on.
I have lived through the tale I had hoped for, and it changed me.
I am writing this novel that came to me in the darkest moment, and I am thinking of every way possible to keep the witching spirit up.

Are you with me on this next step of the journey?
I hope so, because I still so much love to be read by all of you!