I don’t do well with endings!

I don‘t do well with endings.

I remember myself not reading my favourite books over a certain point, because I didn‘t want to. I had enjoyed the setting as it had started and I was worried about all the development to come.
What would change?
The colors, the feeling?
Where would my favourite characters go?
Who would still be there in the end?

By now, I don‘t do that anymore. If I like a book, I read it all the way through, and if I can‘t let go, I read it another time and sometimes even one more time. Or, I collect my favourite quotes, while skipping through it and marking the page where something impressive was said.

I still feel a fear for the ending.
To finally know everything, and to feel all the tension and the eager expectation to ease, and to not keep holding on anymore.

I am bad at letting go.
Problem solved? But I liked solving it with all of you together!
Calming down? But now it is so quiet, my ears are ringing!

Accepting the ending is tough.

I learned to read my books, but I struggle in writing mine.
Well, for several reasons, of course.
But especially, because I enjoy the journey, and I like carrying ideas around with me.
I am a slow writer. I have accepted that.
But I must still not forget what ideas are there for!
…Hopefully for more than just a daydream.

If I finish my novel, I have to let it out into the world, and it will be yours to have, instead of only mine.

I like to postpone the ending.

I have postponed my final exam since forever, and have by now built up a lot of anxiety concerning it.

But taking it means growing up.
It means leaving a part of my life behind which I will miss.

It is so tough to say Goodbye.
And if you never say Goodbye, you still have to return, right?

Maybe, sometimes we don‘t have to accept an ending.
Maybe, there are some things that it‘s okay to hold on to.
Digging up that one friend that likes to disappear but so precious.
Not giving up on studying, despite soul eating anxiety.

Some things should not end, or at least not without an effect on our lives.

Still, I don‘t do well with endings.