„Sometimes, it all makes sense“, I tell my witch.
Not over a Vanilla Latte, or even a bottle of wine, this time.
In moments like these it‘s not needed.
„It all fits together. And I want to hold on to that feeling, before the world confuses me again.“
„This sometimes is 4 AM?“, my witch giggles, and I have to agree.
Nights can be magical.
But it does not always have to happen in the middle of the night.
The other day, I sat at a coffee place in a train station. After a really good day at work, I was not ready to go home yet, and so I had some coffee, wrote down some ideas, and when a song I really liked played on the radio there, I felt as relaxed and happy as not in a long while.
„And suddenly, I had so many more ideas, and I outlined the next few chapters of the novel and even wrote down two new novel ideas!“, I brag on to Layla.
„And now it does not make sense anymore?“, she asks and I shake my head.
„Of course it does.“
But it does not feel as magical anymore, and right now, I could not have those ideas.
They belonged to the magic of another moment, and I am glad I wrote them down and have them with me now.
Those moments were inspired.
Inspired seconds.
Deep at night, when there was defiance towards the next dreaded days.
Or a happy moment at a train station coffee place.
And suddenly, I want to move into the next biggest city, find a new job and see what that gives me! Sounds good?
I remember telling a friend about this years ago.
We were waiting for a train in an underground station somewhere in Hamburg, when I said: „Sometimes a new idea gives me a new feeling that I need to explore creatively and keep wherever I go to keep me writing. It can last for years, but when it‘s over, I don‘t know what to do.“
With my luck, I told a person who did not understand a word I said, and forever found me weird.
But I felt inspired.
Like I so often do, except when I don‘t and I still can‘t stand the days when I don‘t.
„I need the feeling in my voice to fit“, I now tell Layla. „The melody I have in my head. Sometimes, everything just has this sparkle and I feel like I can do things.“
And the words just flow.
And those normal days? Completely normal.
Medium.
Luke warm.
Nothing special?
„Yea, I don‘t know what to do with those“, I once told people I had just performed with, when we were back behind the stage at a little theater in Hamburg, and the others, just as out of breath and sweaty and emotionally loaded as well were just nodding knowingly.
„But by now I wonder if I can do this forever“, I admit to my witch. „Waiting for this great feeling, for this wave of inspiration to take hold of me, and to piece everything back together, so that I can live off that energy until it hopefully happens again to keep me going.“
Don‘t get me wrong here. I love it when that happens! I am more energized, more happy, need less sleep and am sometimes even feeling a little light headed … Okay, I will admit that I was suspected to have bipolar disorder by a doctor more than once in the past few years. But since I still am very functional, even more so than in my darkest moments, it has always been dismissed.
„They also dismissed of the darkness“, Layla reminds me, while I type this. „You just had bad luck and they were idiots.“
Maybe.
And maybe I cannot live on this roller coaster forever, but just a little bit longer?
UntilI wrote something really good?
Mistress witch writes 