„I have once met a collector of souls as well“, my witch whispers.
Tonight, we‘re thinking about friendship.
It can be heartbreaking where desperate souls go.
When I was in my early 20s (and yes, it hurts to speak about this in past tense), I enjoyed watching the sitcom „Friends“ a lot. I needed the cozy feelings. The illusion that things are somehow always going to be fine and that there are some basic certainties in life that are stable really saved me in so many dark moments. I could turn on my laptop and meet familiar faces that won‘t leave and that are there for each other and have a unique dynamic which grew over years of making memories together. They were together when someone went through a break up, or when one of them was having a baby.
They were always together. The modern replacement for families.
„I really wanted to have that“, I tell my witch over a chocolate cupcake with cheese cake filling. „I thought that having come from a family that was broken, I knew how to not make their mistakes.“
„Yes, because it‘s so easy to avoid the kind of people you got used to“, my witch mocks me and steals my cupcake.
Now, I don‘t want to be lectured about the accountability of a sitcom world. I know that it‘s crazy for a waitress and a chef to afford such a place in New Work, as well as your favourite coffee place to be the one to survive for over a decade.
„I once had a cupcake place that was like my second living room“, I lose myself in old memories my witch already knows too much about but still listens to.
„Well, it was my only living room, since my place only had a bedroom at the time.“ Whenever I mention the cupcake place, my throat closes up. „I went there with my best friend, who also moved away shortly after the store closed down.“ Will I still cry over this one little slice of life when I‘m 70? Could be!
It was very pretty though. It had a bright interior, with flower patterns on the cushions, and a mother and daughter were serving cupcakes I never ever found a replacement for. „I always wonder what life could have been like if the place was still there, and Sophie and I would still meet.“
Warmer maybe?
These moments in which I met my former best friend in that coffee place felt like the start of something great. It felt as if we were at the beginning of the journey in “Friends“ or something similar, and of course it did not work out. There is no Sophie anymore, and no coffee place like that.
„This part of me has always been searching for a home“, I mumble with a full mouth, as I steal my cupcake back from the hands of my witch. „That is the problem.“
She nods very wisely.
“When my family was dead, I thought so to”, my witch admitted. “But the one time, my horny priest performed an excorcism on them that went slightly wrong, and the another time, they used me to get the flesh of an executed murderer.”
Okay, Layla wins! Hanging with friends in the 17th century between plague and war is a different kind of story.
We all need someone the one way or the other. Some people can be alone for longer periods of time than others, and some share for more personal things than some others while some may need emotional support for a thing someone else does better on their own. We have more or less accepted that we all function differently, but we have some basics that connect us.
I belong to those that need people around more often, I love to have someone to talk to, even to take care of. I love to cook and bake, and to just be there with someone, but I am also not a family person.
I thought the right kind of friends could be my family one day.
„And that‘s were the soul eating unicorn can feed of“, my witch sighs deeply.
Let‘s take another look at „Friends“.
Since they stick together like a family, they also make it through the rough times in life together, and there might have been the one or the other situation in which a viewer may wonder how much they would have endured themselves. Whether it‘s Joey never paying Chandler any of the money back he owes over time, or Ross never taking responsibility for any of his mistakes.
The list could go on for each of the characters.
They are humans.
They have flaws.
And they stick together, even though some of them can‘t be unlearned and resolved and will show up here and there.
They still stick together.
And that is why friendship is tough.
„Not that just tough“, my witch reminds me. „It can be dangerous.“
Maybe, that sounds a bit dramatic.
But what if you stick with someone who does things you are not even aware of?
What if you don‘t have all the information, because why investigate even further ad not trust your friend?
What if all of this trust and this sticking together and belonging together is used by someone?
„The bigger the heart, the more soul to collect“, my witch giggles and I wonder if witches can get sugar drunk.
„So, I am supposed to kill my heart?“
Wait, no. We‘ve been there before. It did not work out well.
I can tell you that something like this happened. Someone who I considered one of my closest friends, had a second face I did not know about until after someone got seriously hurt. This wrong friend saw me in my night dress. For them, I broke my rule and dared to now and then borrow a little money from, when the pandemic was tough. They had me in a web and I had no idea.
Always being there when needed, and then crossing boundaries until one day, it got too far. Further than should ever be possible.
Having a heart and caring for people is always risky. It can in any moment be abused in ways we don‘t even imagine.
„And I still think it‘s worth it“, I tell my witch. „And life without is meaningless.“
Mistress witch writes 