I dreamed of living in a city with a tram and doing something meaningful, when I was 18 years old. Something meaningful back then meant doing art, writing, something creative to move the world. And a beautiful city with a tram that I had just visited had been Amsterdam, where both my art and my history teacher had guided us through museums as well as analyzing the architecture of that beautiful, old city.
The glowing lights between those old houses along the canals had made me dream. I had had so many dreams! So many dreams are tough to handle, and I soon was overwhelmed by them. I dropped out of things constantly. I never felt alright. I always felt like something was wrong.
While searching for a purpose, I moved into a very ugly, small city that never even had a tram! All, because other people had scared me away from paying rent in a nice place. I gave up studying something I loved, because my family had scared me of becoming unemployed, so I looked for another purpose.
At some point in the second half of my 20s, I felt as if my chances to fulfill these dreams were over. But now, I have a job that I love, and I am studying something that interests me, and I have just spent an inspiring week in Utrecht, discussing science with people from all over the world from early morning until late at night. I was in a beautiful city, with wonderful people, finding so much inspiration. I feel as if I finally responded rightly to this younger version of me. I have not been this happy in a very long time.
I even wrote a poem, when escaping the group late at night to walk the canals on my own and listen to music. My witch and I were both happy, singing in one voice. That means something.
Mistress witch writes 