How my writing changed after the pandemic

This is not just my reminder to take care of my blog more regularly again. This, after all, is my passion project! But no, this is written to reflect on the changes I’m currently struggling with.

When the pandemic ended the life I was used to, I was writing with the passion of this being the last thing I might ever do. I had always been writing stories, had written for the stage, and all in all this was not a new thing for me, but still. The passion of the pandemic was something I had never experienced. I was not sure if I would even still be alive in a few months, or if until then I had decided that I couldn’t cope. Besides that I was also sure that I would never ever find any purpose in a normal life again. The world had broken my trust, so why even try to build up a career, or even friendships? All of that was over. I was broken. The only thing I could do was to write. To write with the passion of hungering to live but probably dying tomorrow.
Do I have to mention that I have survived much longer than I would have expected?
By now, I do have a career I’m working on. I am back at university for another degree. I have friends I am seeing regularly. With these things being back, I don’t only lack the time to write as much as before. I also am not constantly alone with these unbearable emotions anymore.

For a while, I thought that I needed these unbearable emotions to write and to create, and I feared that with me becoming more stable, my writing moments would be over, but I actually think, the opposite is the case. Lately, I have noticed more and more that even in the past, I wrote posts that were read often and spoke to a lot of people, when I was full of positive and sparkling emotions as well as those dark and painful ones. I only need to feel something, and to interact with myself.

So, how my writing changed after the pandemic? I don’t write to survive anymore. I write because I am very much alive.