I have to hold the hand of my witch very tight once more as we brace ourselves for getting upset. I am so glad that I summoned her, because I have never had a bestie. I never had a best friend, a BFF. I only ever had weird nerdy boys to hang out with, because the way women treat each other has always bothered me. So, holding her hand gives my rage a sparkle, and we really need a sparkle tonight.
While there are so many examples to pick from, I am getting upset about something very specific: The way women bring each other down.
Yes, women, and by this term I refer to especially those cis-gender ladies that identify as female and were born with a uterus inside them, can develop a weird dynamic among each other. If you are this kind of woman and read this, please don’t be offended. There are others, and maybe you have even suffered from this yourself.
Let me give a simple example!
To the surprise of many of my readers, I actually am in a kind of (unique and weird but) serious relationship and have been all along. I am in love with someone, I want to spend my life with someone, and I am seriously thinking of having children in the near future.
But I also have other dreams.
I have a career in mind as well, I am actually working on it everyday. I went back to university at 29 years of age for a master’s degree, I am currently working as a research assistant and museum educator, am writing on a blog, a novel, and for a little magazine. I want to do successful science communication! I love the work I do, I love the things I study. I meet interesting people everyday, and I am so inspired!
And there are older women currently in my life who always try to put me down.
Older female relatives, who always have a story ready to tell that demonstrates that my plans won’t work out. From “I once knew someone who had a PhD but still had to become a school teacher, and he was very bad it and unhappy” to “the daughter of a friend regretted her career choice after her first baby” and of course “There are so little jobs in general, why study to become unemployed”.
Hearing these things is very dangerous for me. For most of my 20s, I have been spiraling into depression until I did not do anything anymore and did not even recognize myself any longer. I stopped singing and playing my instruments, I stopped telling friends about my writing, I stopped studying a degree that I liked, and I gave up on wanting to have children. Simply because I thought it all won’t work out. Why would someone want to read my writings? So many people write. Why should I be fertile? I read about infertility on the news everyday. Why should I not kill myself? Life sucks anyways.
Those were my thoughts. For several years now, I have been fighting for a way out and am finally there. And I cannot stand older women who want to drag me back down. Is it unfair that women have only a limited time span to become mothers? Yes. Is it problematic that women potentially have to pause their work for a few years after giving birth? Yes. Will working on a career mean a lot of effort and dealing with a lot of rejections? Fucking yes.
Still, where does it leave me to give up? I don’t want to have a small job in a school next door, probably in part time, never having to leave the house for longer than a few hours, cook and clean, and be the nice girl next door. That is not me! I can’t live like that. I won’t survive. But I have a lot of love to give and still wish for a family.
So, since women among each other can easily turn into heartbreaking monsters, here are some things I would tell anyone (across all gender) who has plans in life:
Fucking go for it!
Write that novel, date that nerdy guy your girlfriends don’t like, pursue that crazy career, dance for the full moon – Just fucking do it!
Life is short, and often painful, so just fucking do it. Reach for the stars!
Funny site note: It is my partner who supports me fully. It is my partner who wants me to have a career, even would plan a family despite doing long distance, and is always making me continue. Why can’t women be this kind to each other?
I am fragile, so I can’t risk this socializing as a woman anymore.
Mistress witch writes 