This spring afternoon is glowing pink and tastes like strong tea. It feels much too familiar, and I begin to open up.
I feel far away from myself as I start to talk, to babble on about my novel. About all the things I’ve been reading about in the past 5 years. About the 17th century, witch hunts, the 30-years-war, and my characters I love so much. I talk an awful lot once I’m excited! Especially for someone who is usually quite introverted!
In front of me sits my mother, who frowns and eventually shakes her head.
“You are always so dark and extreme”, she states. “You will have to accept that people will not be able to read your novel.” And then she knocks onto her chest next to her silver-cross with her spirit diamond with her fingertips. “People who have been through a lot need to relax and feel safe, and cannot deal with all the darkness you bring them.”
And now I shake my head. “I’ve been through a lot”, I remind her. Seriously, ask any psychologist or psychiatrist that has seen me in the past 30 years. I have it officially confirmed that I’ve been through a lot! I feel like my mother should know that.
My mother is still not convinced. “People who have reached a certain age just want to relax.”
“People just 7 years younger than you have read my first novel part”, I respond to that.
“People who work 40 hours won’t have the capacity to deal with that”, my mother insists.
“We all work full time in quite consuming fields”, I remind her.
“But people who take over responsibilities for family members won’t deal with your dark stuff”, my mother starts another attempt, and this time has defeated me.
Yes, I don’t have a family. I don’t have siblings, or cousins, only dead grandparents, and only see my mother once a year. I’m not married yet, and have no children myself. And yes, maybe I can channel darkness in this honest way because I don’t have the protective shell of being a daughter.
Only afterwards did I remember that I have friends I have often taken care of. I have been ringed up in the middle of the night to bring someone to the hospital, to be there for someone. I know what it’s like to take over responsibilities, and guess what:
I still write my dark things. I am so curious about the world in all its shades, and darkness if one I won’t ever overlook.
Some of us need darkness to be put somewhere, because it’s a part of life. I am this kind of person, and the 25k readers of my blog are as well. Let’s dive deep together! I will be here.
Mistress witch writes 