I am not your nice, Christian girl next door, as you might have noticed. And this is not a role I play for this blogging project, or to promote my writing and music. This is me, and I stick to it, even when it gets complicated, and believe me: It becomes an issue more oftenContinue reading “Why I am not a nice girl”
Category Archives: Dystopia diary
The tale of mental health in a burning world
“Wanna feel better?”, my witch asks me as she presents tonight’s options. Do we want to get drunk and risk a headache? Do we want to try out yoga again although we’ve never managed to take it seriously? Do we want to escape the last traces of reality by watching a sitcom and ignoring theContinue reading “The tale of mental health in a burning world”
There is no magic trick.
“You, me, a floral dress and a bottle of wine – I’ll love those night walks forever!”, my witch giggles over my shoulder… … And I blush, as I remember myself walking with my bottle of wine through sunset for most of the pandemic. Recently, someone asked me for a help with a rather personalContinue reading “There is no magic trick.”
A very feminine lesson learned …
… and it has taken me more than ten years to be able to say this. My whole adult life so far has been shaped by this kind of struggle. By reaching for the stars, and having big dreams. By being full of creativity and ideas, and running into walls. And it is a factContinue reading “A very feminine lesson learned …”
Who are the daughters? Discussing politics with my witch.
“Do you count as a daughter?”, my witch giggles over my shoulder, and I have to admit that I don’t know. And not knowing has become a problem, because recently, being the right kind of daughter has become a political issue in Germany. But let’s start at the beginning of this new political daughter trouble.Continue reading “Who are the daughters? Discussing politics with my witch.”
Why I have been struggling with writing my witching tales
It is an early afternoon, and I am alone in a brutalist library, having my witch on my shoulder. Together, we are cross-reading the original court files of a witch hunt in Cologne in 1629, and while we burn for the insights the book has to offer, I am shaking and tears are still glowingContinue reading “Why I have been struggling with writing my witching tales”
And a guilty one was found. Dystopia update.
Do you still remember how difficult buying toilet paper in the first months of the pandemic was? How small businesses were fighting to survive the years of regular lockdowns? Suddenly flour became rare, because Russia invaded Ukraine, and all over the world the prices for bread and pasta went through the roof. As well asContinue reading “And a guilty one was found. Dystopia update.”
To sooth my soul in memories
“If only you could see me now”, I sigh as the sky turns pink. My witch refills my cup with hot chocolate. “Would that make a difference?”, she wants to know. I love to visit the hay bales on the field behind the house every year! I have always been so much more perceptive ofContinue reading “To sooth my soul in memories”
Apparently I’m a “pick-me” – girl – or “the toxic experience of being a woman”
Those are not the skulls of competing women I murdered, I promise. When thinking about becoming a women, there are two moments of my teenage years that come to my mind immediately. And no, with this post I won’t tell you the story of my first period. Although periods have something to do with it.Continue reading “Apparently I’m a “pick-me” – girl – or “the toxic experience of being a woman””
I keep wondering why people do this to me …
I keep wondering what it is about myself that keeps people attacking me for my future plans. Is it that I’m a female? Is it that I look younger than I am? Is it that I have something about me people dislike? People in general approach me to tell me why my plans, workwise orContinue reading “I keep wondering why people do this to me …”
Reach for the stars, girl!
I have to hold the hand of my witch very tight once more as we brace ourselves for getting upset. I am so glad that I summoned her, because I have never had a bestie. I never had a best friend, a BFF. I only ever had weird nerdy boys to hang out with, becauseContinue reading “Reach for the stars, girl!”
How my writing changed after the pandemic
This is not just my reminder to take care of my blog more regularly again. This, after all, is my passion project! But no, this is written to reflect on the changes I’m currently struggling with. When the pandemic ended the life I was used to, I was writing with the passion of this beingContinue reading “How my writing changed after the pandemic”
Getting better at dealing with dreams
I dreamed of living in a city with a tram and doing something meaningful, when I was 18 years old. Something meaningful back then meant doing art, writing, something creative to move the world. And a beautiful city with a tram that I had just visited had been Amsterdam, where both my art and myContinue reading “Getting better at dealing with dreams”
An awkward thing to say to dead people on a melting day. And cake.
“What an awkward thing to say”, my witch giggles into the fog as tears run down my face. The fog is not with us, of course. It is just a few meters away, but dense enough to hide the horizon. Or, the end of the colourful street we’re sitting by in the freezing cold.“As awkwardContinue reading “An awkward thing to say to dead people on a melting day. And cake.”
Wild thoughts in strange places. With my witch.
Tonight I am wondering what to do with these thoughts that only come out in the wild. My witch and I had to agree on not living day by day as if our throat was cut tonight, because it messed things up to think that way, so what do I do with these thoughts thatContinue reading “Wild thoughts in strange places. With my witch.”
Still alive. Just aged a bit.
Had some turning 30 to do. In general been very busy. I struggled with pre-pandemic friends cancelling on me, and had a little emotional fall back into my 2020-darkness. We were great, we did not deserve to be destroyed like that! On the other hand, new things kept me busy. This roller coaster! New witchyContinue reading “Still alive. Just aged a bit.”
Giggling about 2024 with my witch
What a year it was! Looking back on 2024, I finally feel confident to say that I am back on track. Baring in mind that my whole life fell apart in March 2020, it took me long enough to get there! Still, I am just happy about to many things that happened. So many things,Continue reading “Giggling about 2024 with my witch”
Ready to fall apart?
“I’m not here to have myself under control”, my witch hisses at me, hiding another “winter apple” chocolate bar behind her back. Yes, the ones my dead grandmother loved so much. Tonight we’re thinking about something that is not gonna escalate.So not gonna.Promise. “Have you ever met someone … “ I start, ignoring the chocolateContinue reading “Ready to fall apart?”
About not being okay – Revisiting Dystopia
I took this photo in 2020, and I honestly don’t know what I was ever gonna use it for. Still, I like looking back on it. It was in July 2020, when my whole life had fallen apart, and I was living in a kind of void, questioning everything that I had done so far,Continue reading “About not being okay – Revisiting Dystopia”
Butter Essay – Or, the darkness of today.
“Time for a dark and bloody thought-experiment?”, my witch giggles over my shoulder in a November night of 2024, because she knows me so well. It has been a while since I’ve used exact dates of the present in my blog posts, because it also has been a while since I used my blog toContinue reading “Butter Essay – Or, the darkness of today.”
November magic once more! With photos!
When I grew up, November was my favourite month, but over the years our relationship got complicated. I still love the golden leaves, the pumpkin spice latte, the cinnamon in the air, and the rainy days that feel like adventure, but it also is a challenge. The dark time of the year is a challenge,Continue reading “November magic once more! With photos!”
A dangerously magical path
As a witch, I naturally love places that feel haunted. Those places that seem lost in time, and make you wonder what kind of stories were forgotten here. As a reader of my blog, you probably remember when I showed you my haunted historical fiction place, right? Good, because I need to talk about thatContinue reading “A dangerously magical path”
Where melodies die
„If played for the wrong ears, every melody is going to drown“, my witch agrees as we close the window with the first thunder in the distance.“And then what?”, I ask her as the rain starts pouring. I love heavy rain! What happens to melodies unheard and unnoticed? What happens if the last one rememberingContinue reading “Where melodies die”
Reasons to smash my head through the wall
My mother used to call it clever to be completely calm and accepting when being confronted with the greatest injustice of the world. „And you?“, my witch asks amused. I have always wanted to get my head through the wall. Is that even a phrase in English? Probably not, but let‘s make it one forContinue reading “Reasons to smash my head through the wall”
Wandering thoughts
I enjoy whatever happens in my head when I am alone with my thoughts on a long walk with nothing and no one around. It took me some time to realize this, but it‘s actually not as terrifying as I always thought it was. It‘s the place where writing comes from. From listening to allContinue reading “Wandering thoughts”
Things I discuss with my witch when I should sleep
„I have often confused feeling nothing with being okay. When I am very busy, I tend to listen to all my music on shuffle, although I usually hate that and prefer to choose an album or even artist to listen to in the right order. When I‘m busy, I shuffle through all of them toContinue reading “Things I discuss with my witch when I should sleep”
Tale out of control
Tonight‘s tale is about a moment that was perfectly under control, until it was not.It‘s about a girl living with a head that could easily fly off.In one corner of that head, a witch is giggling. In her back, demons are waiting. Dystopia has its grip around her. This tale is about an innocent walkContinue reading “Tale out of control”
Thoughts about my witching home
„They hate you because they can‘t control you“, my witch giggles another witching wisdom into our Iced Latte, as we sit in the cold wind that is so typical for Hamburg, the city in the north of Germany which I grew up in. Every witch once had a home, remember?„Had“, my witch reminds me.We definitelyContinue reading “Thoughts about my witching home”
My latest feminine moment
This one not going to make an attempt in defining what being feminine actually means.It is about situations in which I notice that I am on the feminine end of a spectrum and have to take the consequences. But let me start at the beginning.Come with me back to one of the first warm daysContinue reading “My latest feminine moment”
Understanding loneliness – Another witching fact about me
„Growing up in a church is such a nice detail for people writing your biography“, my witch giggles into the orange sunset and I have to take a deep breath. „In case people do so, because your writing escalated enough with the world.“ And she giggles once more. It took me 25 years to realizeContinue reading “Understanding loneliness – Another witching fact about me”
Mistress witch writes 