Layla wanted chocolate.
After having her around for months, this did not really surprise me, anymore.
But this one night, she did not only want chocolate, and also not only wine. She was reaching for the marshmallows and put one on a pencil to melt it over a vanilla scented candle when she asked. „Can I borrow your black dress with the purple ribbons?“
„Sure.“
„I want to say hello to the upstairs neighbor with the strong hands“, she explained, and in that moment the marshmallow fell from the pencil and into the candle. As the scent of burned sugar surrounded us, Layla took the bottle of wine again, and this time, she did not only take a sip. There was a sipping and gulping until my witch had to take a breath. “And we could order a pizza. The one with these colorful things under the melted stuff.”
„Are you alright?“, I asked, and regretted the question immediately.
How could anyone ever be alright in this world?
Layla was hurt. “This is not fair”, she said. “Living in a broken world, bound to a shell making you bleed and suffer in pain – it’s not fair. But you know what? Dying is even more unfair! I don’t want to die. No. I don’t want to live, because that it what precedes the dying.”
Everything inside me cramped. “You will not die”, I whispered and the next marshmallow fell into the candle, and the burning of sweetness indulged us.
„Yes, I will!“, my witch screamed. „I already have. Inside. When my world crashed, and everyone that I knew had died, and I was locked away to die as well, and even the one that saved me one day disappeared forever!“ She looked haunting, as she was again only wearing one of my night dresses, and screamed her tears onto the universe. „He never returned. I never said all the things that I wanted to say to him. We are a tale never finished, words to choke upon. That is the one and only love I will ever have. And some day, you will be okay again, and the universe will send me back into my time, and I will die the most painful death.”
I shook my head. „I will never let that happen.“ I reached out for her, and put my arms around her shoulders. „I promise you. I will never be okay again, not ever.” And Layla and I sank onto each other for a moment, and I knew that I promised the universe to feel this pain that was slowly but surely killing me on the inside feel forever for my witch to never leave me.
And now get your sugar, get your wine, and put on that sweet black dress with the purple ribbons, and let joy flood your shell caught in this horror of being alive.
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