Witches are born in the moment of total system failure.
Before being reborn as a witch, one might have been a child to someone, or a friend, a spouse.
Words hat certain meanings. Gestures and movements were seen.
To the whole existence of a person, there was a response.
But also, before being reborn as a witch, every part of existence was dedicated a certain purpose.
As a daughter, one was supposed to marry a promising young man.
As a son, one was supposed to marry a girl with a marriage portion worth mentioning.
His seed was supposed to grow a new generation, and her uterus was supposed to carry them.
He was supposed to be hardworking, as she was seen as a breeding potential needing certain protection to deliver better sooner than later.
What happens to a body and soul if all of these aspects of life collapsed?
What does pain even mean, if nothing comes out of it?
What do words even mean, if they are never heard?
Surviving a moment of total system failure might make you a witch,
It certainly made me summon Layla, once I realized that I had to survive, and thus, to figure out how to keep breathing while everything is smothered in silence.
It is also true that there still are a lot of things to do after this system failure.
There are fun things, like staying up all night. Or eating chocolate at 4 AM. Or having ten orgasms in a row while thinking of different sitcom characters.
But I also sometimes see my witch having madness glowing in her eyes while searching her empty house for a feeling to conquer her emptiness. I see her yearning for someone to put her head on their shoulder, for a response to words whispered into the darkness.
And I remember how long it has been ever since I had talked to someone else than the cashier at the grocery store …
Being free of purpose means not having to function anymore, and that can be relieving. I certainly enjoyed not having a real place in this world anymore whenever I realized I could have a glass of wine early in the morning and put my boot-wearing feet on my desk while doing so.
But the need to be heard and seen and touched will never disappear completely.
This is just another heartbreaking problem of witching.
Once you have fallen out of reality, who will pet your head and smile at you?
I wish I’d told you all my stories.
I want to tell you all my storiesIt’s not that they would changeIt’s just that I would likeTo see themFormA new expressionOn your face I need to tell you all my storiesI am not sureIf they makeSenseThe way I thoughtThey do. I will tell you all my storiesThey frighten meI’m sure you won’t endureI see…
Dealing with darkness in writing
This spring afternoon is glowing pink and tastes like strong tea. It feels much too familiar, and I begin to open up.I feel far away from myself as I start to talk, to babble on about my novel. About all the things I’ve been reading about in the past 5 years. About the 17th century,…
Radical witching novel rewrites at 4 AM!
I wore the same night dress my witch used to wear to get drunk on my windowsill, when I suddenly had an idea at 4 AM. Great ideas always happen at 4 AM, remember? This one however, kept me awake for at least a week, debating it back and forth. At some point my witch…
Mistress witch writes 