„I need this to focus“, I explain to my witch after trying out the fourth flavour of tea this night and empty chocolate wrapping paper rustles as I put the cup on my desk.
Sometimes, I cannot catch a single thought in my head. It is something I already know by now, but still cannot accept. To be able to write, or to even get up in the morning and do my things, I desperately need to have the right feeling.
I need to know who I am, not just for the day, but for this whole time that I am going through. I need to feel myself into the outfit I chose, into the voice that I speak with. When I cannot focus, it feels as if the question of „Who am I gonna be today?“ is howling through my head until I collapse somewhere with coffee and my notebook.
But then as well, I cannot always focus on writing.
Sometimes it works out, and I have to yet figure out what exactly can keep me from succeeding, and the list will be growing for a while.
The best days are those that let me have this. That let me leak out onto paper.
I find the right song to listen to, I hum it quietly for myself. I find the right clothes to wear and I have a voice to speak in. And I just find these words. Words as fitting as an extra shot Espresso in a Pumpkin spice latte. As fitting as raindrops on a train window, or as a rightly tune g-string on my violin.
The worst part is that it is not even bad things that keep me from accomplishing this. It can be new input that my chaotic mind has to process. My trip to Budapest and the time spent with a friend there had this effect on me. The changing of seasons can have it. Loving Autumn so much that I cannot decide on its soundtrack this year is stressing me out right now! Having to rearrange my cupboard to have my winter dresses ready as well!
I hate to not find myself in my head. I hate to feel as if I am running from myself while trying to catch myself, and all just because life gets messy.
„This is what rituals are for“, my witch giggles into my ear, as I try sipping my tea to start another chapter of the witching novel. „Catching thoughts and being ready for them.“
„So, other than a writing and a blogging ritual including too much caffeine, I need a ritual to celebrate the seasons changing to keep my head together?“
Witchcraft was made for leaking souls.
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