Busy thoughts of a tired witch

I am so tired that I forgot what it feels like.
Slowly I remember that feeling dizzy, thirsty for sweet drinks while craving super salty snacks combined with crying over rude people on the train is my tired. I was almost 30 when I understood this. Before, I always wondered why sleep deprivation did not seem to have any effect on me, while eating an emergency cheeseburger and sobbing somewhere in the corner.
I’ve had a few moments lately where I stopped feeling things, and distanced myself from what I was doing. One night, I woke up crying over the thought that maybe now I was so healed and so back in reality that my witch had become silent. What if I just learned to live a normal life so well that I actually don’t need my witch, my writing, my magic anymore?
That was a very confused, and well, tired thought. So, the next day I emptied a few hours of my day, sat down with a coffee, put on the song that made me cry, and wrote into my little journal, and was relieved about all the things that suddenly came out of me, and the feelings I suddenly had. I am not empty, I am just a bit overworked! Finishing a novel, recording music, and all that while having two day jobs and a master thesis to write can be tiring, I think.
“Feeling things is so much work”, I tell my witch over an empty cup of coffee.
“Why do you think so many people numb themselves successfully”, she responds.
I never want to do that. I want to keep my weirdness, my emotions, my own point of view. So, here we go. I clean time for one writing afternoon every week again.