If I leave my witch with her demon alone for a while, the world will be in for a tale. At some point, she will give into him, because that is the point of witching, right?„Why is everyone dying?“, she is whispering, looking at the holes I had left in my photo album to sendContinue reading “He taught her darkness”
Tag Archives: diary
Tale about another last time
I wrote you a letterand was so scaredit might not reach youin timethat I putall my stampson it.I had this feelingit might be last one.I ripped outtwo photographsthat had been sleepinginside an albumbecause I neededto see themand pass them onto you.I was walkingthrough rainand streets emptiedby this plagueto send the letteron its way.HopingIt was nottooContinue reading “Tale about another last time”
“Buried-alive”-thoughts
I wonder how extreme I would have had to live my life to not have regrets right now. Sometimes, I listen to a song that I would like to say reminds me of a moment in which I was happy, but I fear that it might also remind me of a moment in which IContinue reading ““Buried-alive”-thoughts”
Hope might have killed
„I don‘t think a little hope ever killed anyone.“„Maybe it will kill me, if you keep throwing it at me to shut me up.“ Yes, this conversation really happened. It was much longer, and included a lot more fury on both sites. I wonder why people keep doing this.Why do people always think that denyingContinue reading “Hope might have killed”
Thoughts on surviving
For people who have been close to me in the old world, my blog is difficult to read, although some of them even are interested in my historical witching novel that will hopefully be written out of all this one day.At first, I thought this hesitation to read my blog posts might be caused byContinue reading “Thoughts on surviving”
The oddness of witching
While I am drafting my historical novel in progress, and am reading all kind of things about witches, I have often stressed the point that my witch once was a normal person and was only seen as suspicious when Dystopia hit. Normal in the case of a young woman living in Europe in the 17thContinue reading “The oddness of witching”
A tale that has to belong into this world
I am barely a person anymore, because I‘ve been vibrating too much on that last frequency, so that no light would ever break itself on my shape. During the last year, I have said these words very often. I felt as if all the things that had once made me a person did not belongContinue reading “A tale that has to belong into this world”
A special night for witches
This night is a special one for witches. It holds all the secrets of their mysterious existence among the normal humans. It is a night to determine their fate. Some witches might have wondered for the (mostly short) rest of their lives what the hell might have happened while they were asleep.Asleep? Yes, that‘s right.Continue reading “A special night for witches”
Never happy ending
When you held meI stopped leakingfor a short momentthat was a sparkle. I saw you and you saw meand I was hurtby what the worldhad done to you. All of ourselvesand skins still markedby thoughts and shardssank into each other. I want to be thankfulfor this happy ending,but I don‘t want thisto ever end. „HappyContinue reading “Never happy ending”
A hole to be safe in
I want this soul to stop leaking.I want it to stop drowning while carrying the weight of all the worlds that have died.I want it to take a deep breath and feel the sun once more.I want it to stop existing for words never spoken and things never felt. „Whenever I try to make itContinue reading “A hole to be safe in”
Feel me as a witch
Sometimes, I close my eyes to see my witch. I see a lonely and troubled Lady alone in the kitchen of a house that had not always been this empty.I see her hair, which is curlier and more red than mine. I see her pacing up and down, while casting views out of the window.Continue reading “Feel me as a witch”
What do witches dream for?
„If witching dreams are really about closing my eyes and imagining things just to feel them once more, they still make me sad“, I tell my witch. „A minute of escape, but no real relief. But if they are all about pleading with the universe and convincing it to bend the rules, then witching dreamsContinue reading “What do witches dream for?”
See me with strawberries and cream
I wanted you to see mecurled up on my bedeating strawberries and creamwearing nothing but a shirttoo wide for meand I wanted you to pet my headand smile at meas gently and as warmas you would haveif you could haveever seen me this way. „At least I wore the dress I wanted to wear forContinue reading “See me with strawberries and cream”
Ice cream and wine in Dystopia
I am having ice cream and wine because I have had both in one of the happiest nights of my life.I did not know it back then. I thought the world would always be there and I had just figured out my personal relationship to things that just were and were good the way theyContinue reading “Ice cream and wine in Dystopia”
Picking up the shards
I am picking up the shardsto put them back together.But to have those shardsthings have to break,and breaking isn’t fair.Surviving isn’t fairbut has to be donefor now. Even when brokenly bleedingand bleedingly brokenI am still herealthough some of the pieceshave lost what held themtogether onceand are looking fornew places to go. „Witches transform“, I amContinue reading “Picking up the shards”
Update on the witching novel
I have to remind myself what I started this blog for, from time to time.Besides making sense of a situation that I suddenly found myself in and having somewhere to go to with certain thoughts and feelings, I wanted to document my writing process while working on my novel about a witch in Europe inContinue reading “Update on the witching novel”
The historical horror of living a life
A while ago, someone tried to convince me that it is okay for old people to die and those words were supposed to take away my sadness. I think that life is cruel and this is unfair. Blood is unfair.Blood running through this veins and transporting oxygen to this brain, only to one day stopContinue reading “The historical horror of living a life”
The things we burn for
I am holding my breathbecause the air I could breatheis not filled with youalthough I want it to. I stayed awakeand ran through the nightto the end of the worldlooking for you. I am not laughingbut I am embracingthe whole worldfor a second. I am not sadbut I am mourningthe world for it existsat all.Continue reading “The things we burn for”
Tale about my shoulders
I bought a dress today.It is a pretty dress,except for the shoulders. What do women need them for?Those shoulders and those arms?To lift things up? My pretty new dresskeeps me from usingthose shoulders and those arms. Where is my prince?Once I‘ve heardthat pretty girls do get a prince for this. But I forgot,I do haveContinue reading “Tale about my shoulders”
Do you know I’m in love with you already?
My thoughts always return to the moment when you entered my life.Actually, you have been in my life before, but before that moment which I remember, you were just someone.I am reliving the moment that you stopped being just someone and became more to me.I have to think of those months when the weather isContinue reading “Do you know I’m in love with you already?”
Tale about a witching hope
These are my thoughts on waiting for things to get better and for people to return.I think that having this hope is worth it all and allows for every possible emotion to take over and keep it up.It is very fragile, and always connected to fearing an outcome too painful to truly be imagined. MyContinue reading “Tale about a witching hope”
Words of a witch
„Early in my life, I had to understand that my family was broken and very soon stopped being real. Then, I experienced passionate love to turn into rage and result in knifes being pointed. The last thing to which I committed were my friends, and now that is gone too. There once was a warmContinue reading “Words of a witch”
Dystopia love
It‘s hard for you to get out of yourselfso I want to be under your skin. I want to hidethere in your shadowin your warmthbecause you know my painand I can guess those wordsthat are too hard for you to say. I want to be under your skinat least for once. I deny the spacethatContinue reading “Dystopia love”
The moment of witching
The sun had been golden all day, and the rain taking over the horizon from one second to the other was surprisingly dark and heavy.„When did you realize that you really were a witch?“, I ask Layla.Was it a lonely night on another kitchen floor?Too much wine?An aching heart asking for a spell?Or a darkContinue reading “The moment of witching”
A year later
It has been a year. Since my whole blog was set up to trick my mind into any other activity than hurting me constantly while surviving the gray months or years of the pandemic, I thought about writing something for this weird anniversary, but also was not sure about it being too much, maybe. TodayContinue reading “A year later”
Tale about witchcraft
Another night following a glowing evening in spring.We are sitting on my kitchen floor.No ice cream, this time.„Layla, I have been screaming too loud, lately“, I say to my witch. „It‘s your turn, now.“„My turn?“„Yes, this is your story, after all“, I remind both of us. Layla grins her witching grin. „That‘s right“, she saysContinue reading “Tale about witchcraft”
Thoughts on writing
I write for my blog / witching novel everyday, and I think about writing everyday because for someone like me in this strange new world there is not much left to do. But tiring and distasteful lockdown jokes aside – I have some thoughts on writing which I would like to share. Never before inContinue reading “Thoughts on writing”
The life of a witch
The life of a witch is social deconstruction. A witch is a deconstructed person.Being accused of witchcraft in early modern europe did not mean to be accused of being a human having committed a serious crime. Being a witch meant to have let the soul inside your body rot and having become a new andContinue reading “The life of a witch”
About memories
I remember how simply having all my memories could make me happy. I could easily convince myself once that things ending was not too sad, as long as they had been lived.When I was 23 and told this my 49 years old lover, he almost was personally insulted by the kind of strength that IContinue reading “About memories”
Spring, again.
Spring could be so pretty, it always made me sad. When the early sunrise was pink again, and the sun began to shine very careful after all these dark months. „I wish time would stop being linear“, I say to my witch. It was almost too warm to wear my boots, but only almost. IContinue reading “Spring, again.”
Mistress witch writes 