I am not your nice, Christian girl next door, as you might have noticed. And this is not a role I play for this blogging project, or to promote my writing and music. This is me, and I stick to it, even when it gets complicated, and believe me: It becomes an issue more oftenContinue reading “Why I am not a nice girl”
Tag Archives: essay
The tale of mental health in a burning world
“Wanna feel better?”, my witch asks me as she presents tonight’s options. Do we want to get drunk and risk a headache? Do we want to try out yoga again although we’ve never managed to take it seriously? Do we want to escape the last traces of reality by watching a sitcom and ignoring theContinue reading “The tale of mental health in a burning world”
There is no magic trick.
“You, me, a floral dress and a bottle of wine – I’ll love those night walks forever!”, my witch giggles over my shoulder… … And I blush, as I remember myself walking with my bottle of wine through sunset for most of the pandemic. Recently, someone asked me for a help with a rather personalContinue reading “There is no magic trick.”
A very feminine lesson learned …
… and it has taken me more than ten years to be able to say this. My whole adult life so far has been shaped by this kind of struggle. By reaching for the stars, and having big dreams. By being full of creativity and ideas, and running into walls. And it is a factContinue reading “A very feminine lesson learned …”
Who are the daughters? Discussing politics with my witch.
“Do you count as a daughter?”, my witch giggles over my shoulder, and I have to admit that I don’t know. And not knowing has become a problem, because recently, being the right kind of daughter has become a political issue in Germany. But let’s start at the beginning of this new political daughter trouble.Continue reading “Who are the daughters? Discussing politics with my witch.”
And a guilty one was found. Dystopia update.
Do you still remember how difficult buying toilet paper in the first months of the pandemic was? How small businesses were fighting to survive the years of regular lockdowns? Suddenly flour became rare, because Russia invaded Ukraine, and all over the world the prices for bread and pasta went through the roof. As well asContinue reading “And a guilty one was found. Dystopia update.”
To sooth my soul in memories
“If only you could see me now”, I sigh as the sky turns pink. My witch refills my cup with hot chocolate. “Would that make a difference?”, she wants to know. I love to visit the hay bales on the field behind the house every year! I have always been so much more perceptive ofContinue reading “To sooth my soul in memories”
Apparently I’m a “pick-me” – girl – or “the toxic experience of being a woman”
Those are not the skulls of competing women I murdered, I promise. When thinking about becoming a women, there are two moments of my teenage years that come to my mind immediately. And no, with this post I won’t tell you the story of my first period. Although periods have something to do with it.Continue reading “Apparently I’m a “pick-me” – girl – or “the toxic experience of being a woman””
Damaged girl – exploring early modern medicine with my witch
“Having a body is unfair”, I remind my witch over an iced latte we share.“And not having one is not really an option”, she adds.What a terrible world we live in. Since I am recovering from a morning that has smelled like sanitizers and might in the end have meant nothing at all, I wantContinue reading “Damaged girl – exploring early modern medicine with my witch”
I keep wondering why people do this to me …
I keep wondering what it is about myself that keeps people attacking me for my future plans. Is it that I’m a female? Is it that I look younger than I am? Is it that I have something about me people dislike? People in general approach me to tell me why my plans, workwise orContinue reading “I keep wondering why people do this to me …”
Witches against the world – Comparing the witching myth with modern conspiracy theories
The image of the burning witch is as far away from historical reality as was the old belief in them conspiring against the world. Still, both narratives have survived the centuries. Nowadays, people caught up in controversies compare themselves to those burned by the stake to gain sympathies, and recent crises have given voice toContinue reading “Witches against the world – Comparing the witching myth with modern conspiracy theories”
Reach for the stars, girl!
I have to hold the hand of my witch very tight once more as we brace ourselves for getting upset. I am so glad that I summoned her, because I have never had a bestie. I never had a best friend, a BFF. I only ever had weird nerdy boys to hang out with, becauseContinue reading “Reach for the stars, girl!”
How my writing changed after the pandemic
This is not just my reminder to take care of my blog more regularly again. This, after all, is my passion project! But no, this is written to reflect on the changes I’m currently struggling with. When the pandemic ended the life I was used to, I was writing with the passion of this beingContinue reading “How my writing changed after the pandemic”
Okay, Daddy?! – Sinful thoughts of a witch
“What’s your little girl crying about?”, my witch giggles into her half of our shared pitaya, tainting her lips in the deepest pink. She looks very cute, and I have to think of another crying girl I have recently seen. The other one was not as cute as my witch, although she really tried herContinue reading “Okay, Daddy?! – Sinful thoughts of a witch”
An awkward thing to say to dead people on a melting day. And cake.
“What an awkward thing to say”, my witch giggles into the fog as tears run down my face. The fog is not with us, of course. It is just a few meters away, but dense enough to hide the horizon. Or, the end of the colourful street we’re sitting by in the freezing cold.“As awkwardContinue reading “An awkward thing to say to dead people on a melting day. And cake.”
Why it matters that we tell our stories!
Lately, I have been rethinking why I insist on writing, especially historical fiction. Am I just attempting to contribute to a weird branch of the entertainment industry, or do I have justified deeper reasons for doing this? Can there even be these deeper reasons, or is there always this odd question mark above those thatContinue reading “Why it matters that we tell our stories!”
On writing to survive in dreams!
When asked why I write, I used to say that I needed my characters to survive. Or, to see how to survive. My characters were going through things I could never imagine myself coping with, or things that I had to handle but was terribly overwhelmed by. They were like super heroes in my head,Continue reading “On writing to survive in dreams!”
Butter Essay – Or, the darkness of today.
“Time for a dark and bloody thought-experiment?”, my witch giggles over my shoulder in a November night of 2024, because she knows me so well. It has been a while since I’ve used exact dates of the present in my blog posts, because it also has been a while since I used my blog toContinue reading “Butter Essay – Or, the darkness of today.”
Writing history with my witch – Or, the struggle of looking at the past
I like to picture my witch in a golden frame. Probably shaped with roses growing all over it. A frame that looks like one your grandmother would have kept, or one to find in a museum. One of those pompous picture frames you‘d find when visiting old castles. My witch deserves to be framed onContinue reading “Writing history with my witch – Or, the struggle of looking at the past”
Reasons to smash my head through the wall
My mother used to call it clever to be completely calm and accepting when being confronted with the greatest injustice of the world. „And you?“, my witch asks amused. I have always wanted to get my head through the wall. Is that even a phrase in English? Probably not, but let‘s make it one forContinue reading “Reasons to smash my head through the wall”
Thoughts about my witching home
„They hate you because they can‘t control you“, my witch giggles another witching wisdom into our Iced Latte, as we sit in the cold wind that is so typical for Hamburg, the city in the north of Germany which I grew up in. Every witch once had a home, remember?„Had“, my witch reminds me.We definitelyContinue reading “Thoughts about my witching home”
Understanding loneliness – Another witching fact about me
„Growing up in a church is such a nice detail for people writing your biography“, my witch giggles into the orange sunset and I have to take a deep breath. „In case people do so, because your writing escalated enough with the world.“ And she giggles once more. It took me 25 years to realizeContinue reading “Understanding loneliness – Another witching fact about me”
My haunted historical fiction place
This post is an invitation to come with me to a special place. I have a place that makes me want to tell my stories. This place feels like witches are hiding between the trees, and alchemists are challenging the world behind those glowing windows in the far. It feels haunted, fallen out of time,Continue reading “My haunted historical fiction place”
A writing sense of nostalgia
I have always had a thing for biographies. I loved exploring where someone came from, in which steps their life had happened, and what traces that had left behind.When I was about ten years old, I read the biographies of Mozart, Avril Lavigne, and Hölderlin, since those were the most important people for me toContinue reading “A writing sense of nostalgia”
March Melancholia
„The sunset is pink again“, I tell my witch and she giggles out into the night.„Is that you‘re reason to cry?“, she asks. I have always enjoyed it when the sunset is taking longer, painting more colours at the horizon at the end of the day. The promising of warmer, better days.The memory of lifeContinue reading “March Melancholia”
Reality challenged thoughts of a witch
Maybe I am only slowly understanding my connection to reality. Maybe I need to take half a step out of my skin to have the right perspective to tell stories, or maybe the „Barbie“ – movie almost made me change the names of my online accounts – this is a thing I am still thinkingContinue reading “Reality challenged thoughts of a witch”
What does healing even mean?
I am sitting at a restaurant late at night, and I feel pretty with my cat ears on. The friendly words of the person in front of me are so disturbing that I wait for touching piano music to drown out the chatting and clattering all around, and as he reaches out to pet myContinue reading “What does healing even mean?”
Dystopia fault
The horizon is glowing.The days keep coming, in purple and blue.„Is this my Dystopia fault?“, I ask my witch. In the past years, I have come across one statement about the newly felt fragility of life very often, and I have constantly felt as if something about that was not right.So often have I readContinue reading “Dystopia fault”
Personal essay – Searching for a warm thought in an autumn night!
Since it‘s a dark and seemingly endless November night that also has me trapped in bed with another Covid-infection, I think it‘s time to question my motivation, and my witch giggles. “Yes, that is what makes these nights easier”, she whispers into our midnight coffee. Where were we?My motivation to make it through the darkContinue reading “Personal essay – Searching for a warm thought in an autumn night!”
Why being human is so terrifying
„Is it called eye shadow, because you use it to paint extra shadows under your eyes?“, my witch asks as I blink into the mirror and the upper eyelid, the under one as well as my cheeks are sparkling in silver. Still sparkling, but also looking ill.Looking like no decent sleep for a while.Like aContinue reading “Why being human is so terrifying”
Mistress witch writes 