One thing I have always needed my witch for were choices.
I had always felt as if I was able to define myself through the choices I made and also had seen my witch as someone without this chance in life. I always thought that she was born into a world that determined it all. That totally determined her experience, her sense of things, and left no second to think which turn to take. And as a modern person, of course my choices determined me. What I ate, how I looked, who I had sex with.
All choices.
All big parts of me.
But tonight, I really wished I could have chosen not to be sad. I really wished I could have taken just one more deep breath and swallowed all of those feelings piling up in my chest, but I could not. Just as well as I sometimes cannot decide to fall asleep from one second to the other, although it‘s already 3 AM again as I‘m typing these words. When I was feeling a bit lonely the other day, a friend reminded me that it was never too late to make new friends, and after hearing those words, I found myself stranded in a flooded train station, surrounded by strangers but no one to talk to, and my favourite choice would have been to find someone with something written on their face that made it easier for me to say a word to them.
This makes me wonder if my witch truly never chose a path? Did she not climb the city wall one fateful night? Did she not choose cushions in the color of a heartfelt memory?
I know that she did. And while I am dreaming of choices I don‘t have this night, I remember hers and try to accept that it will always be the struggle of the complex tapestry of a mind trying to find a place in a weird version of this world.
… and I wonder if I really could have chosen not to eat a chocolate cupcake in the middle of this boring night.
My witching autumn desk
This was my longest quiet. My witch took a few weeks off. I have a lot of things to say, dark and urgent things! But my health made me pause everything. The first time in my life I’m saying that. I’ll be back in the next few days! Until then, enjoy the witching mood at…
Why do we stop doing things?
“When for health reasons we stop being ourselves, what is left then? ”, I complain to my witch just when the cold and dark season is ready to arrive. I am usually decorating a cake when the message I am dreading arrives. The pastry bag in hand, I read one cancellation after another. Of course,…
When we fall …
Who’ll be thereWhen we fall?Who will comeTo catch us all?Who’ll be thereIn the end? Late at nightI hear his voiceAnd I know thatHe waved her goodbyeThrough the noiseOf a world turning away. Laughter fromA window aboveBlurry lightsAnd I know thatShe gave upon loveRight there. And I wonderWho’ll be thereWhen we fall?Who will comeTo catch us…
Yup.. Earth is a place of making choices based upon our free will. In the end, it’s just about the experiences and lessons learned, I opine. All the best.🙏🏻💕🙏🏻
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