„I can‘t go there right now“, I tell my witch over my second coffee after midnight „Maybe not for a while.“She rolls her eyes and steals the first hot and bittersweet sip from me, as always. „Why not?“Good question. My witch always asks the good questions, even when it‘s past midnight and I am explainingContinue reading “Midnight coffee struggles with my witch”
Category Archives: Dystopia diary
Faithless thoughts of a witch
The melancholia of the early days in spring had me thinking about what keeps me going.Or what kept me going in the past, when a lot more good things seemed to have happened, than these days.I spent the spring equinox with a fever and an infected throat in a bed from where I could atContinue reading “Faithless thoughts of a witch”
Dystopia return
I have been at home for the first time in three years.And I really mean at home, with all the people that belong to it.At least those who are still alive (the number is shrinking …). And did it make me happy?Did it give me the same kind of energy as earlier?This positive energy toContinue reading “Dystopia return”
I don’t do well with endings!
I don‘t do well with endings. I remember myself not reading my favourite books over a certain point, because I didn‘t want to. I had enjoyed the setting as it had started and I was worried about all the development to come.What would change?The colors, the feeling?Where would my favourite characters go?Who would still beContinue reading “I don’t do well with endings!”
Tomorrow thoughts!
„Are these thoughts ever easy?“, I ask my witch over a midnight cup of coffee. Tomorrow, I hope to see you again.But, tomorrow will probably not be that day.Maybe a day after a tomorrow, another tomorrow. Will we have a tomorrow? „There probably are people that don‘t constantly eat their own brain“, Layla responds. „Somewhere.“„EvenContinue reading “Tomorrow thoughts!”
My list of aborted dreams
Locking myself up in a surreal place, listening to the same song over and over again, until the pages are full – that is how writing the witching novel lately has looked like for me.And it makes me feel so close to my biggest and oldest dream! The unreal place is the attic of aContinue reading “My list of aborted dreams”
Deadline thoughts!
These are the thoughts of a perfectly sane – wait, no!I can‘t say that about myself anymore.But perfectly reasonable thoughts of a women – and my witch rolls her eyes at me.Yes, let‘s stick with person with a uterus, to not even try to hide our struggle.„And reasonable?“, Layla mocks me. „What about this isContinue reading “Deadline thoughts!”
Dystopia now
Since this was once my Dystopia diary, I recently had to think about how much my life changed in the past 3 years, or since the last normal winter, before things got kind of weird. How about you? Has your life changed a lot? On a longer train ride recently, I have (finally!) continued readingContinue reading “Dystopia now”
9 reasons why I would have died as a witch!
Have you ever wondered how much magic there is inside of you?Or, if there is something magical in this world, how would it show in you?What species are you in your favourite fantasy or sci fi setting?Which Hogwarts house? Which shirt color in star trek? Belonging to one of those children that half-seriously hoped forContinue reading “9 reasons why I would have died as a witch!”
My personal exorcism
I have recently discovered that I am one witchy experience ahead of my witching visitor!Well, not really ahead.I have never been standing trial and almost gotten burned after having had a few too many miscarriages and a husband dying under mysterious circumstances, but I have made one spooky and painful experience she never has! LaylaContinue reading “My personal exorcism”
Dystopia twist
Seeing horrors happening in the world shapes a mind in terrifying ways. I would like to think that it is a shared interest to make any terrible thing in the world stop, or to prevent it from ever happening at all.A shared interest of us as human beings.Insert any horror you would like here.War.Plague.Climate disaster.…orContinue reading “Dystopia twist”
My magical truth!
When I was probably too little for this, my parents had decided for me to learn a truth about life which they thought to be important. So, as a little girl, not yet a witch but always fond of those weird ladies with big noses showing up in my picture books, I was told somethingContinue reading “My magical truth!”
Escalating tale
Very often, I had lately assumed to have written the last chapter of my Dystopia diary. Since this is also about witching, and I have only scratched on the surface of that, no problem! But I keep adding new chapters to it, my Dystopia diary.An easy explanation for this seems to be that Dystopia isContinue reading “Escalating tale”
Long night thoughts
Nights are long and cold now.I am not really sure what they taste like.„And the days are just cheating“, I complain to my witch. While walking across the field, I have to admit that I was in a hurry, but I took one second to cast a view into the distance, and to feel theContinue reading “Long night thoughts”
A magical moment!
Although I recently wrote about my rational view on things, I want to share a moment of magic that happened to me. This moment made me feel connected to the universe, to the time passing by and to the stars in the sky.The moment belonged to an empty, not very interesting day. That was goodContinue reading “A magical moment!”
A few autumn spells!
This post is an autumn spell! Autumn has for very long been my favourite season. I have always loved the rain, the storms and the colorful landscapes! The days are not too short yet, there is still a good chance to catch enough sunlight to have the energy to do things. Still, this year IContinue reading “A few autumn spells!”
About finding magic in things
When I told my mother about starting work at a museum and had told her a lot about archaeology and geology, she tried to bond with me through talking about crystals.Apparently, she has those that clean the air, and even those that reorganize the water molecules after they were poured into the glass with tooContinue reading “About finding magic in things”
For life to be good
„What do you want?“ Another rainy autumn day that was not cold enough to feel good is almost survived, as this question echoes through my head.„A pumpkin spice latte with an extra shot of espresso“, I repeat my words and wonder why the person behind the counter is looking so confused.„Another one?“ I blush andContinue reading “For life to be good”
About being alive
„I am bad at being alive.“ My witch would giggle with a shrug, thinking that these words were true for her as well, but already having fallen out of time anyway. My unicorn would agree but not be bothered at all, and another friend I amused too much with this today. I still think IContinue reading “About being alive”
Needy thoughts
These days, there are so many good reasons to be alone. Loneliness is being cultivated, as if it needed to be preserved for future days. Ever since the pandemic interrupted my life, I managed to have about 150 cups of coffee outside of my home. Most of them were a Vanilla Latte, while some whereContinue reading “Needy thoughts”
Thoughts on where in time we are
How does a time come to an end?Do we really just wake up one morning and autumn has left its scent everywhere when yesterday it had been summer, just as Tucholsky once wrote?Or have there been signs we tend to ignore?The early sunsets and colder nights?Rain clouding the horizon over the fields –Until one tragicContinue reading “Thoughts on where in time we are”
The fictional reality of being a witch
„As witches, we are too fictional for them“, Layla giggles into my ear as we order the third Vanilla Latte of this rainy summer afternoon, all while wearing a white dress that now that we‘re among other people more and more feels unfitting.„I‘m wearing a night dress“, I complain. „Or, a hospital gone.“„How is thatContinue reading “The fictional reality of being a witch”
Thoughts on choices
One thing I have always needed my witch for were choices. I had always felt as if I was able to define myself through the choices I made and also had seen my witch as someone without this chance in life. I always thought that she was born into a world that determined it all.Continue reading “Thoughts on choices”
About feeling alive in difficult times
Lately, I have found an almost forgotten joy in being alive again. For me that meant sitting in my favourite coffee place again, after a long time without daring to do so. Carefully stepping inside, ordering a drink to go and drinking it alone in a corner outside was the only I sometimes granted myselfContinue reading “About feeling alive in difficult times”
Tale about existing
„Deeper in the existential dread.“That was not the answer my witch had expected when asking for the sparkling wine.„Refrigerator“, I say. „Means, existential dread.“ I just hate refrigerators.They‘re always chubby and big, and wrong in the picture. Even those that aren‘t white. I once saw a pink one at a party, and I still feltContinue reading “Tale about existing”
Dystopia achievements
Living through a tale means this one has not been told yet.There are so many possible endings. Endings to be yearned for, and also those to be feared to appear at the horizon one day. And there also are moments in which it is in doubt whether this tale is about to happen at all,Continue reading “Dystopia achievements”
Skin needs to feel
This one is about wanting to feel everything, but escaping the pain.About needing the world to release the right sensation deep within.Because skin needs to feel it!But please, skip the pain! One of the few classical German writers I ever liked to read once asked in one of his poems where he was supposed toContinue reading “Skin needs to feel”
What is left to feel?
Have you ever felt a hope that burned so bright and was risking so much that it completely absorbed you?I have felt such a hope very recently.It was not a happy feeling, not a good one as such. It was defiant. It meant fighting what I thought the world was telling me. I wanted toContinue reading “What is left to feel?”
Post-Dystopia silence
Now that I have things back to sooth my soul, I have to wonder whether I‘m actually soothing it or simply numbing myself. „No really“, I tell my witch, as I empty another glass bottle over the kitchen sink. „I‘d like to feel things again. Like, anything. And also, I got all these recipes wrong.“Continue reading “Post-Dystopia silence”
About the instability of things
Living during what could easily be the end of the longest era of (more or less) global stability has an awful lot of things to do with people either not realizing it, or enjoying the collapse of things far too much. To the first ones: Do you remember this proverb about setting things free? ThisContinue reading “About the instability of things”
Mistress witch writes 