All of my Dystopia tales were about last times.Things having ended and everything turning into nothing. I chose photos with blurry silhouettes covered in rain drops and blood. They were dark and intense and written to survive – and 18 months later, I am still here, and after all of this, my next blog postContinue reading “Nuances in Dystopia”
Tag Archives: emotional
Tale for afterwards
What if I have dreamed my perfect witching dream and still have to fall asleep tonight? What if he was my sunset but a new day is already beginning? What if there was loss and there was pain and weight and joy and a smile and now is nothing?
Update on not so much writing
It has been a while since I posted an update on the witching novel or an writing in general.I originally started this blog to document myself researching, writing, exploring the life of a woman ending up as a witch in the 17th century in Europe, remember? Oh, you do? Great, because lately I tend toContinue reading “Update on not so much writing”
Tale about a witching crisis
Why is everything I want to be so far awayfrom what I turn into?Why does my body and my skin freezewhen I want to keep breathing?Why is everything so dark and coldwhenever I feel like burning?Why does my skin bleedwhere it misses to be touched?Why do I needIce cream and wineand Vanilla and candlesand aContinue reading “Tale about a witching crisis”
About things that matter
I miss the feeling of doing something that matters. This morning, it took me 3 hours to convince myself that getting up, putting on pants and having a coffee still makes sense. Even before sitting up for the first time, my brain starts to replay the same dark thoughts I have been stuck with forContinue reading “About things that matter”
About wearing this skin
I wish I could wear my skin for youI don‘t know how to wear it on my own. I don‘t even have a skinbecause you never touched itI wish I had no lungs to breatheno voice to screamand I wish I had no heart to feelno head to dreamand store images, scents and melodiesof olderContinue reading “About wearing this skin”
Tale about your silence
This soul was leaking out to you …… but only the rest the world was listening. I am singingin your silencescreaming in theabsence of yoursand spiralinginto the holeyou left behind.There are soundshere are wordsand imagesborn becauseyou are gone. „Writing a novel and setting up a whole new world because we cannot talk to you anymore“,Continue reading “Tale about your silence”
A witching heart
To every witching heart there is a someone that it is loving more than it should. A someone it is opening up to, it is letting see its shadows.And this someone will ask a lot of it, even more than the witching heart can bare, for all the best reasons.This someone will constantly remind theContinue reading “A witching heart”
How a spell is born
Sometimes a world is beginning.Sometimes only within thoughts, built of images a soul is vibrating on.Images, melodies, and scents and tastes which made a soul sing and felt as if they were meant to sustain the night and still be there tomorrow. Then, there are also moments in which a whole world is falling apart.AContinue reading “How a spell is born”
You are my sunset
There will alwaysbe another daybut not anotheryou and me1000 questionsin my head,which I willnever ask.I fearthe answer,just likethe sunrise.
How to jinx the universe
I want to jinx the universeFor me tohave you backhear your voice withstrawberries and creamwith wine and with a songon those lips of yours and mineat midnight. Can I jinx the universe?Put it allinto placethe ice cream andthe wine mixed withmy voice calling for yousummoning you back to metonight? Can I jinx the universe?Ask theContinue reading “How to jinx the universe”
Dystopia in summer
„These problems don‘t occur over night and it tells a lot about you that you did not fix it“, says the gray square that is my professor, and once again I realize that all my witching things have become an extra layer of skin because being alive hurts like hell and is unfair. It hasContinue reading “Dystopia in summer”
Drown with me.
„I‘m not asking you to be with me“, I whisper into the sunset. „I‘m asking you to drown with me.“ Lay downand lay stillin the oceanof thoughts and dreamsthat won‘t belonginto this worldever again. Hold mehold onto mein this sea ofa you and methat could have beenthat should have beenbut never was. Witches fall inContinue reading “Drown with me.”
The emptiness of witching
Witches are born in the moment of total system failure. Before being reborn as a witch, one might have been a child to someone, or a friend, a spouse.Words hat certain meanings. Gestures and movements were seen.To the whole existence of a person, there was a response. But also, before being reborn as a witch,Continue reading “The emptiness of witching”
When sunsets are a reason to cry
My most happy sunsets always started in late February, or early March. In those weeks, it was still dark and cold, but sometimes the horizon was already burning with things about to come. Every year for a week in March I would visit my mother and the city I grew up in and also beContinue reading “When sunsets are a reason to cry”
Words to scream at the end
Lately, all I am able to think during long and surreal nights are words my witch might have screamed on one of her many potential death beds, when blood was flooding her and still there were all these memories of moments that never were. „I want to liveto taste your lipsand sometimesI want deathto touchContinue reading “Words to scream at the end”
About the end of the world
„I have seen the end of the world.“ My witch always laughs about me saying things like that. This time, it is not about everything inside of me that has been breaking apart ever since this Dystopia started. This time, it is about a walk that I have taken almost every day for the pastContinue reading “About the end of the world”
The horror of having a body
All I wanted to bewas not wrapped into skinand flooded in bloodbut having a sparkleall of over me. All I ever wanted to bewas herwho I have in mindwhen your touchhas skin and blood on fire. All I ever wanted to bewas not screaming instead of breathingin blood tainted sheetswith the dream of lifechoking inside.Continue reading “The horror of having a body”
The witch and Dystopia
I am sitting on a field at night.The second lockdown has already lasted many months and spring is arriving. This time, I am not alone with my witch. A real other person is there with me. I am having a friend with me.We are hiding after curfew far away from the street. „If we walkContinue reading “The witch and Dystopia”
Tale about life and death
„I want to live so much, it makes me want to die“, I tell my witch as we sit on a field covered in dust on the longest evening of the year. I wantthe rain to touch my soulthe lights to burn my thoughtsand dreams to escape into beyond. I wantto live to taste yourContinue reading “Tale about life and death”
About feeling too much
„This heart is beating too fast“, a cold voice states, and I would be laughing had I not been out of breath already. Life gets difficult when you are feeling too much. Or, more than the average person in that exact moment. Many terms we use to describe each other consist of a number beingContinue reading “About feeling too much”
About feeling this body
Summer nights have always made me sad.They always make me wonder about what has come to an end already and what may come next.The long and blue evenings, sometimes with a touch of red, always make me want to run right into it, and listen to music while having the taste of wine on myContinue reading “About feeling this body”
A question to the universe
„I’m not sure how I‘m gonna make it, just know that I‘m gonna“, I repeat the words of my witch and I know that I will be telling this myself every two minutes for the next few days. Those were the words of my witch, when she was wearing a white gown.Covered insweat and dirtandContinue reading “A question to the universe”
Being loved as a witch
Being loved as a witchmeans you are my shadowas I will be yoursonce the sun has set. Being loved as a witchmeans that we share this scarand we know who we areby seeing our skin. Being loved as a witchmeans your touchcould rip me apartbut never would. Being loved as a witchis a thingI haveContinue reading “Being loved as a witch”
Witchcraft within
My witch had once been an ordinary person, and when Dystopia hit, had fallen out of that reality. Against all odds, she had survived her witching trial and had escaped the flames, to find a dark kind of love with someone just as lost as herself.While writing, I am sending her through all of thisContinue reading “Witchcraft within”
He taught her darkness
If I leave my witch with her demon alone for a while, the world will be in for a tale. At some point, she will give into him, because that is the point of witching, right?„Why is everyone dying?“, she is whispering, looking at the holes I had left in my photo album to sendContinue reading “He taught her darkness”
When this witch had you
Having youfelt like strawberries and creamon a rainy day in summerwaiting for a thunderstorm.It felt likebreathing in deeply for oncewith the patter of rainingpainting our world blue.Wrapped intosheets that are white and softholding us togetherwhile we‘re falling apart. „We could tell you that we love you“, my witch giggled. „But no. Look at our strawberriesContinue reading “When this witch had you”
Tale about another last time
I wrote you a letterand was so scaredit might not reach youin timethat I putall my stampson it.I had this feelingit might be last one.I ripped outtwo photographsthat had been sleepinginside an albumbecause I neededto see themand pass them onto you.I was walkingthrough rainand streets emptiedby this plagueto send the letteron its way.HopingIt was nottooContinue reading “Tale about another last time”
Hope might have killed
„I don‘t think a little hope ever killed anyone.“„Maybe it will kill me, if you keep throwing it at me to shut me up.“ Yes, this conversation really happened. It was much longer, and included a lot more fury on both sites. I wonder why people keep doing this.Why do people always think that denyingContinue reading “Hope might have killed”
Tale about hidden things
„I never told him this“, my witch whispered. You touched a part of my soulthat had always been hidden.You found it all by yourselfand I wanted you to keep it.That part was woundedvery long agoand I never noticed the painuntil you showed methat this was no scarbut still bleedingand I am still leaking. „I neverContinue reading “Tale about hidden things”
Mistress witch writes 